The Plus Size Pug

Awkward Family Photo

2011-12-28T10:49:00.002-07:00

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

2011-12-28T10:47:00.002-07:00

Deal With It

2011-05-09T15:57:00.003-07:00

If Tank had an Online Dating Profile

2011-03-08T16:20:00.005-07:00

About me:
I'm a laid back guy looking for a little companionship. Just got out of a two year relationship with a real bitch. Sometimes I like to just get in the car and go for a drive. It really helps to clear my head. I eat well and like to stay in shape, either by going on brisk walks or running a few laps in my backyard. I've been told I'm pretty cute and that my ears are my best feature.

About my match:
I am most attracted to BBDs (big, beautiful dogs). I'm looking for someone who enjoys snuggling, likes to give and receive affection, has the ability to spend all day in bed or on the couch, and has a natural curiousity for all things life has to offer.

If this sounds like you, bark back atcha boy.

Of course Tank would chose the obligatory shirtless picture of himself for his profile picture. He also wanted me to tell the ladies that he will send nudes upon request.

More paw language

2010-09-14T19:17:00.001-07:00

It's the language of love. :)

Communication via paw (Paw language)

2010-09-14T19:10:00.003-07:00

To be fair, he did try tapping ever so lightly first, before going in for the kill...

If Metallica has taught us anything...

2010-08-22T09:05:00.003-07:00

it's to sleep with one eye open...

gripping your pillow tight!!!!

Starbucks

2010-08-22T08:06:00.004-07:00

Yesterday morning, I woke up with a hangover. I had stayed out until 3 the night before and because I can't seem to sleep in past 7 anymore, I was awake after only a few hours of sleep. I decided I'd go and grab a coffee from Starbucks, because adding caffeine to my hangover seemed like a good idea. Yay. I've got all this energy now to focus on how crappy I feel.

I took the dogs with me on my short drive. When I pulled up to the drive-thru window I was pleasantly surprised when they asked me if my dogs wanted treats! Apparently, the woman at the counter didn't get a good look at Lucy, otherwise, she probably wouldn't have asked that question, but I said sure and the dogs ate them as if they had gone weeks without food.

I did an impromptu photo shoot while waiting in the really long drive-thru line.

It's 120 degrees out at 8 in the morning. Hooray!

After seeing my hot yoga pamphlet in my car door: Hot yoga? Yawn.

After being given that treat: Please sir, may I have some more?

And here's Tank, really owning that arm rest.

It's All About Comfort

2010-08-10T14:36:00.004-07:00

He never ceases to amuse me.

If the Shoe Fits

2010-07-04T13:51:00.004-07:00

Bangers and Mash

2010-06-30T06:00:00.001-07:00

I'm wondering... am I the only person that talks to their dogs with an english accent?

It started off normal enough (ello, loves) and now it's kind of progressed into a full blown Sharon Osbourne kind of accent.

To be honest, I think the dogs kind of like it (and I like it). The only downside is that sometimes when I have company over, I forget that I talk to the dogs in an english accent and that can lead to some awkward moments...

And yes, my impression of Sharon Osbourne is just as good as Amy Pohler's in this clip. ;)

Excuse me...may I have a moment of your time?

2010-06-29T12:29:00.003-07:00

This is the first thing that I noticed as I stepped out of the shower the other morning.

This shot was taken immediately after I opened the door:

You simply mustn't ever shower with the door closed...

While We're Still on the Subject of Cool iPhone Apps

2010-05-13T09:26:00.004-07:00

Here's a picture that my mom took with my iPhone yesterday with the Hipstamatic app. I like the old school feel it gives to the picture.

Mug

2010-05-10T14:29:00.002-07:00

Trying to capture extreme snaggletooth but realized that the photo does it no justice.

Too Cool for School

2010-05-09T15:59:00.002-07:00

It's been awhile...

2010-03-07T09:41:00.004-07:00

I will have many new posts very soon, but here are a couple pictures to tide you over until then.

Beware of falling objects

2010-01-05T18:57:00.004-07:00

I don't eat at the dinner table like a normal person. No, I like to stand and eat in my kitchen. My brother does this too. We're strange folk.

Anyway, tonight as I was standing and eating a burrito that was basically 90% sour cream - 10% beans, it exploded as I took my last bites! Someone needs a bath.

I'm trying out this new scent, L'eau de sour cream, ever heard of it?

Some people like to eat food, I prefer to wear it.

Day 4 of 14

2009-12-24T15:26:00.003-07:00

I took 2 weeks off for the holidays. Besides working out, this is pretty much what my days have consisted of.

Top of the morning to ya

2009-11-23T05:26:00.007-07:00

Warning: This post is about vomit, so if the talk of vomit makes you want to vomit, you might want to skip this one.

Well, it's yet another morning where I've been woken up to the harmonious sound of dog hurl. Tank's hours of puking are between sound asleep and sweet dreams. Never has he so much as gagged during normal business hours. I've woken up to being puked on (I'll take a warm pile of vomit for $100, Alex), puking off the side of the bed (Avalanche!), to just regular old heaving on the floor. Personally, I like it when Tank gets creative with where he is going to projectile. For some reason when Tank started up this morning I started singing that song from Beverly Hills Cop, "The Heat is On" but I just replaced "heat" with "puke."

The puke is on...it's on the streets.

Inside your head, on every beat.

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho.

Fun with photobooth!

2009-11-03T19:40:00.007-07:00

Why am I single??

Oh, right.

And now...the answers to your questions!

2009-11-03T11:55:00.009-07:00

The first question comes from trollcole at trovecove, who is actually one of my good friends in real life. Her question is: why are your dogs total posers?

Well trollcole, they are posers because they don't want to be their real selves...which is, dogs. They much prefer pretending to be human and I, being the nutjob that I am, take pleasure in treating them like little babies. :)

The second question comes from Benny & Lily. They asked why Lucy isn't in the new Apple Mac commercials?

Sad story, Lucy was going to be in one of the Apple commercials, but we couldn't come to a monetary agreement with the Apple people so we backed out. Lucy's a star. She doesn't settle.

The third question, from Sequoia and Petunia asks what is Lucy's favorite toy?

Basically any toy that she can rip open in less than 30 seconds flat, pull out all the stuffing and then eat. She also loves bottlecaps but my mom likes to play "worst scenario possible" and said she'd choke and die on one so I've since stopped giving her those.

Fourth question from Mica. Does Tank get jealous that he doesn't have his own blog like Lucy?

Simple answer, no. Tank only wants Lucy's things. Example: I have two bones. Exact in everyway. I hand one to both dogs, Lucy takes off with her new bone and Tank has no interest in his bone. It is left on the floor while he tries to go and steal the bone that Lucy has. Say I offer to exchange said bones. I give Lucy the bone I originally tried to give Tank and she smiles and says "thank you ma'am" and I give Tank the one he wanted but now he's lost interest in this bone and will try stealing the same bone he originally refused! So, in summary, Tank loves being on Lucy's blog. If he had his own, he'd just find a way to get back on to her blog.

Thanks to Brutus' mom, Michelle, for answering one of my questions! She let me know that Tank is a possible candidate for Invisalign! I've been thinking though, maybe I should embrace Tank for who he is, accept that he is King of snaggletooths and could probably form some kind of army with all that power.

Q & A's with theplussizepug

2009-10-28T12:59:00.006-07:00

Wow. This is terrible! I have only posted once for the whole month of October. This has got to change. While I'm working on putting together new posts, I thought I'd do a little Q&A for anyone that has any nagging questions about Lady Lumps and/or Sir Snaggletooth. Feel free to ask questions like:

Why is Lucy so fat?

What does William Shatner have that Lucy doesn't have?

Is Tank a good candidate for Invisalign?

I will do my best to consult with the pups and post the answers.

Portraits!

2009-10-08T17:01:00.009-07:00

Lucy is pretending to hate this but is actually loving every second of it.

Tank, on the other hand, is completely not interested. The only thing on his mind is where in the house he's going to poop next.

The Scent of a Paw

2009-09-22T10:01:00.010-07:00

Lucy's paws smell like corn chips.

I thought she was the chosen one. This gift of frito feet bestowed upon her as some sort of a healing power that would someday be used to help save all of mankind. A google search crushed all hope of what I thought might be true:

Chips and dip, anyone?

Lullaby...and goodnight...

2009-09-20T20:55:00.002-07:00

Mr. Tank enjoying my king size bed all to himself:

Quite the lazy day

2009-09-12T19:36:00.011-07:00

Oh why hello there.

I think I'm just gonna...

take a little nap here...

Oh, but there's your finger.

Can I help you?

Please take that out of my face.

You are making me very uncomfortable!!

How about I lick it?

Are we good now?

Good.

Lucy and the TV

2009-09-10T05:14:00.004-07:00

Lucy watches a lot of TV because her mother watches a lot of TV. The bad thing about Lucy watching TV is she gets really emotional about whatever she's watching. There are certain channels that I don't even think about stopping at (Animal Planet being number one). I would never even attempt to watch a dog show because it would just be Lucy whining, barking, and lunging at the TV the whole time. She even has emotional meltdowns over cartoon dogs! She knows the difference between a human cartoon and a dog cartoon, who could be standing on two legs like a human, talking like a human, and she will only bark at the human-like dog. Go figure on that one.

Anyway, it's not just dogs that she dislikes as I mentioned in a previous post (she still hates William Shatner, bells and opera). Here are some more things that upset Lucy whenever they come on screen:

The FreeCreditReport.com guy. Hates. Him.

This dog from the Cesar dog food commercials. I don't know if you guys have seen this commercial, but in the background someone is whistling a catchy little jingle. The TV could be completely off and if I whistle this same tune (which, by the way, you should hear me whistle sometime. I'm fantastic.) Lucy will flip out and charge the TV.

Spongebob. No explanation needed.

Pillow Casualties

2009-09-09T17:40:00.003-07:00

I came home to this tragic scene today:

This is what happens when I don't put the pillows away.

Pillows I used to have? Five. Pillows remaining? Zero.

I have my guess as to who started this mess. Who do you think did it?

So it's been awhile...

2009-08-18T11:54:00.003-07:00

I haven't posted for a bit, I apologize. This past weekend I was in Hermosa Beach for a bachelorette party. My wonderful mother babysat the dogs for me while I was gone.

I don't have any new photos to post, so I thought I'd post a random one. I can't believe how tiny Tank looks in this picture. His head reminds me of that scene in Beetlejuice where that guy sprinkles the dust on Beetlejuice's head and it shrinks.

Oh, and it's kind of hard to tell, but I'm wearing a bindi on my forehead. I just don't want anyone to mistake it for a giant zit or something.

Toots

2009-08-10T18:29:00.005-07:00

Three fun facts about the dogs flatulence:

1. When Lucy toots, she startles herself.

2. Tank has tooted before and awoken Lucy from a deep sleep.

3. Tanks toots can clear a room.

I don't have a picture to clearly illustrate any of these things so a random sequence of pictures will have to do:

Locked out

2009-08-05T17:16:00.010-07:00

I got home from work today, grabbed a beer, my camera and headed out to the backyard to take some pictures. It is 109 degrees here in Arizona, so it's not like I was going to spend a large amount of time outside, but I wanted to try to get some new pictures of the dogs for the blog. Well, as soon as I closed the sliding glass door, it locked. I have no idea how this was possible, as you can't lock the door and then try to shut it. It's impossible. You have to shut the door first, then lock it. The only explanation that I have for this is that I have a ghost occupying my house. A cruel ghost who wants me to suffer from heat stroke.

My house has been robbed. They got in through the dog door because it used to be large enough to fit a Great Dane. A steel plate was made to make it smaller so that the biggest thing getting through that door was a fat pug.

Here's a picture with my hand in front of the dog door for size comparison.

The only reason I was able to fit through that dog door is because I have crazy shoulders. I can pop them out of place if need be. This situation was a "need be" because all I had was a camera and a beer. I might have been able to build some sort of communication device with said beer and camera to contact someone to come and help me, but sadly, I'm no MacGyver.

Here's a picture I managed to get of the dogs during this ordeal. They thought it was necessary to try to help from inside the house, where it was air conditioned. Thanks guys!

My, what a lovely shade of rouge

2009-08-05T06:35:00.001-07:00

Tank was obsessed with a dying agave plant that was in the backyard. He would grab entire stems off of this (prickly!) plant and bring them inside and eat them. I ended up having to dig up the whole plant and throw it away. I noticed he had a redness to his lips (the pictures don't do it justice) and an internet search turned up that agave plants can cause irritation to the skin.

I must say, the color really brings out his eyes.

Sweet Dreams Interrupted

2009-08-04T21:00:00.001-07:00

First off, let me just start by saying how I really wish I had gotten this photo in focus.

This is what it looks like when you awaken Her Royal Highness out of her beauty sleep.

The Tail

2009-08-04T17:39:00.004-07:00

It wags whenever she sees me. It flies at half mast when she's running full speed. And it flattens out when she's relaxed. Sometimes it can even resemble a soft serving of ice cream.

One thing's for sure, it couldn't be more perfect.

Bless you

2009-08-03T14:59:00.004-07:00

This photo captures Tank, mid-sneeze. Doesn't he look like a little troll? I should build him a bridge to sit under.

Who's the boss?

2009-07-29T11:37:00.008-07:00

Lucy, clearly.

It's 3 am. Lucy hears a noise that is completely inaudible to any other creature on the planet but decides to bark about it, jolting me out of my beauty sleep. She barked, yet continues to lie there in bed and looks over at Tank, as if to say, "you go check to see what that noise was. I'll be right here." And Tank does. He leaps off the bed and starts barking as if it were him that had heard that noise and now he is going to do something about it. And Lucy? She lays her head back down and drifts right back to sleep.

Who really was the boss? Tony or Angela? I had a hard time figuring out which head to put Lucy's face on. I'm having second thoughts, I think it might have been Angela.

The french model

2009-07-27T19:52:00.002-07:00

Lately, Lucy has enforced a new "no photos" policy. She's feeling bloated and agitated and I'm not going to mess with that.

Tank is always willing to pose for photos.

Beware. Evil is lurking in the shadows.

2009-07-23T10:24:00.003-07:00

Our sleeping arrangements

2009-07-22T06:00:00.002-07:00

Sorry for the grainy photo, it was taken from my camera phone.

An example of how the dogs and I usually sleep. Lucy on my face/neck making it sometimes impossible to breathe, and Tank next to me, although it's usually his other end directly in my face.

Behold!

2009-07-21T13:40:00.001-07:00

The awesomeness that is snaggletooth:

How Some Sundays Are Spent

2009-07-19T21:12:00.004-07:00

Dramatic Pug

2009-07-18T07:15:00.001-07:00

So I think I have watched this clip about 50 times. It's only 5 seconds, but watching this is one of the best ways to spend 5 seconds of your time.

Best. Cupcakes. Ever.

2009-07-17T11:27:00.004-07:00

I am totally impressed by these pug cupcakes that JoAnn over at Sugar Hi made for her sister's birthday.

If only I could make something this creative!

Baby Lucy

2009-07-17T10:14:00.004-07:00

I got Lucy when she was just 8 weeks old. Looking back at these pictures it's hard to believe she was ever this little. Enjoy the adorableness.

When a Coach bag simply won't do

2009-07-15T18:57:00.009-07:00

Get a pug purse! You'll be the envy of everyone.

The backside is my favorite:

It's even got a shifty eye, where it will follow you no matter where you are in a room, just like Lucy:

Family Portrait:

Twins! Plus or minus a few pounds:

Lucy, in all her majesty

2009-07-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

things lucy dislikes

2009-07-14T12:37:00.001-07:00

bells:

opera:

william shatner:

it's not halloween

2009-07-14T07:10:00.000-07:00

But I wanted to share this photo anyway. Doesn't Lucy look thrilled?

Tagged

2009-07-13T18:21:00.015-07:00

Lilo, over at thegreatrockeater.blogspot.com likes the blog name and gave me a shout out on her own blog. Thanks Lilo, I think you're pretty adorable. :) I'm supposed to grab a picture that I haven't posted before and tell its story so here goes.

I have many nicknames for my little puggily wuggily. The great thing about Lucy is that she is like so many different animals in one. So I took to a little photoshopping and put her face on some animals that I think she most resembles.

The first? A little piggy, of course!

And the second, a sweet little bunny rabbit:

Girls Gone Wild

2009-07-13T16:42:00.001-07:00

Clicking on the picture will take you to the NSFW (not safe for work) version.

Believe it or not, Lucy has never been pregnant or had babies. I think this is just like how some men have man boobs. From now on we'll just call her "Moobs".

Chapel of Love

2009-07-11T08:38:00.008-07:00

A woman has married her pug. Her reasoning?

"For so long I've been praying for a life with a partner who has all the qualities of my dad. My dad was kind, faithful and loyal to my mum, and he never let her down."

I think we can all figure out why she wasn't able to find a human companion to marry. I just want to know the wedding details.

Was it a black tie event? Was the groom wearing Georgio Armani? Did he cry (whimper) when he saw her walk down the aisle? What was his bridal gift to his blushing bride? Who was their photographer and where are the pictures?

Click here for the full story.

Tiny Teeth Gray Beard

2009-07-10T08:30:00.003-07:00

It's a term of endearment. She has the tiniest of teeth and the grayest of beards. Wouldn't Tiny Teeth and the Gray Beards make the best band name?

You guys are never going to believe this, I got Tiny Teeth and the Gray Beards to play at our wedding!

Mr. Tank

2009-07-09T08:30:00.001-07:00

This is Tank, a french bulldog. Tank was supposed to be Lucy's companion, to keep her company while I was away at work, but he is actually her sworn enemy.

Tank is very cute, but kind of slow. He even licks in slow motion. I think these pictures describe him well:

Thick

2009-07-08T20:25:00.007-07:00

Trying to find a collar that fits my little lady can be difficult. I either buy them too small or in a size that would fit a mastiff, but always think I have found the one that will fit.

To take the guesswork out of it I measured her neck. 17 inches. 17 inches! Do you know what else measures 17 inches?

This cantaloupe:

This guys biceps:

Old MacDonald Had a Farm

2009-07-07T20:46:00.006-07:00

e.i.e.i.o.

The Resemblance is Uncanny

2009-07-07T15:07:00.004-07:00

Me & Puggy Sue:

Introducing Lucy, the Plus Size Pug!

2009-07-07T14:25:00.002-07:00

This is Lucy:

She is the most beautiful pug in all of the land, even if she does have nipples the size of AK bullets.