Day 4 of 14

I took 2 weeks off for the holidays. Besides working out, this is pretty much what my days have consisted of.

Top of the morning to ya

Warning: This post is about vomit, so if the talk of vomit makes you want to vomit, you might want to skip this one.

Well, it's yet another morning where I've been woken up to the harmonious sound of dog hurl. Tank's hours of puking are between sound asleep and sweet dreams. Never has he so much as gagged during normal business hours. I've woken up to being puked on (I'll take a warm pile of vomit for $100, Alex), puking off the side of the bed (Avalanche!), to just regular old heaving on the floor. Personally, I like it when Tank gets creative with where he is going to projectile. For some reason when Tank started up this morning I started singing that song from Beverly Hills Cop, "The Heat is On" but I just replaced "heat" with "puke."

The puke is on...it's on the streets.

Inside your head, on every beat.

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho.

Fun with photobooth!

Why am I single??











































Oh, right.

And now...the answers to your questions!

The first question comes from trollcole at trovecove, who is actually one of my good friends in real life. Her question is: why are your dogs total posers?

Well trollcole, they are posers because they don't want to be their real selves...which is, dogs. They much prefer pretending to be human and I, being the nutjob that I am, take pleasure in treating them like little babies. :)

The second question comes from Benny & Lily. They asked why Lucy isn't in the new Apple Mac commercials?

Sad story, Lucy was going to be in one of the Apple commercials, but we couldn't come to a monetary agreement with the Apple people so we backed out. Lucy's a star. She doesn't settle.

The third question, from Sequoia and Petunia asks what is Lucy's favorite toy?

Basically any toy that she can rip open in less than 30 seconds flat, pull out all the stuffing and then eat. She also loves bottlecaps but my mom likes to play "worst scenario possible" and said she'd choke and die on one so I've since stopped giving her those.

Fourth question from Mica. Does Tank get jealous that he doesn't have his own blog like Lucy?

Simple answer, no. Tank only wants Lucy's things. Example: I have two bones. Exact in everyway. I hand one to both dogs, Lucy takes off with her new bone and Tank has no interest in his bone. It is left on the floor while he tries to go and steal the bone that Lucy has. Say I offer to exchange said bones. I give Lucy the bone I originally tried to give Tank and she smiles and says "thank you ma'am" and I give Tank the one he wanted but now he's lost interest in this bone and will try stealing the same bone he originally refused! So, in summary, Tank loves being on Lucy's blog. If he had his own, he'd just find a way to get back on to her blog.

Thanks to Brutus' mom, Michelle, for answering one of my questions! She let me know that Tank is a possible candidate for Invisalign! I've been thinking though, maybe I should embrace Tank for who he is, accept that he is King of snaggletooths and could probably form some kind of army with all that power.

Q & A's with theplussizepug

Wow. This is terrible! I have only posted once for the whole month of October. This has got to change. While I'm working on putting together new posts, I thought I'd do a little Q&A for anyone that has any nagging questions about Lady Lumps and/or Sir Snaggletooth. Feel free to ask questions like:

Why is Lucy so fat?

What does William Shatner have that Lucy doesn't have?

Is Tank a good candidate for Invisalign?

I will do my best to consult with the pups and post the answers.

Portraits!

Lucy is pretending to hate this but is actually loving every second of it.


















Tank, on the other hand, is completely not interested. The only thing on his mind is where in the house he's going to poop next.

The Scent of a Paw

Lucy's paws smell like corn chips.















I thought she was the chosen one. This gift of frito feet bestowed upon her as some sort of a healing power that would someday be used to help save all of mankind. A google search crushed all hope of what I thought might be true:



















Chips and dip, anyone?

Lullaby...and goodnight...

Mr. Tank enjoying my king size bed all to himself:

Quite the lazy day

Oh why hello there.

I think I'm just gonna...

take a little nap here...

Oh, but there's your finger.

Can I help you?

Please take that out of my face.

You are making me very uncomfortable!!

How about I lick it?

Are we good now?

Good.

Lucy and the TV

Lucy watches a lot of TV because her mother watches a lot of TV. The bad thing about Lucy watching TV is she gets really emotional about whatever she's watching. There are certain channels that I don't even think about stopping at (Animal Planet being number one). I would never even attempt to watch a dog show because it would just be Lucy whining, barking, and lunging at the TV the whole time. She even has emotional meltdowns over cartoon dogs! She knows the difference between a human cartoon and a dog cartoon, who could be standing on two legs like a human, talking like a human, and she will only bark at the human-like dog. Go figure on that one.

Anyway, it's not just dogs that she dislikes as I mentioned in a previous post (she still hates William Shatner, bells and opera). Here are some more things that upset Lucy whenever they come on screen:

The FreeCreditReport.com guy. Hates. Him.

This dog from the Cesar dog food commercials. I don't know if you guys have seen this commercial, but in the background someone is whistling a catchy little jingle. The TV could be completely off and if I whistle this same tune (which, by the way, you should hear me whistle sometime. I'm fantastic.) Lucy will flip out and charge the TV.

Spongebob. No explanation needed.

Pillow Casualties

I came home to this tragic scene today:

This is what happens when I don't put the pillows away.

Pillows I used to have? Five. Pillows remaining? Zero.

I have my guess as to who started this mess. Who do you think did it?

So it's been awhile...

I haven't posted for a bit, I apologize. This past weekend I was in Hermosa Beach for a bachelorette party. My wonderful mother babysat the dogs for me while I was gone.

I don't have any new photos to post, so I thought I'd post a random one. I can't believe how tiny Tank looks in this picture. His head reminds me of that scene in Beetlejuice where that guy sprinkles the dust on Beetlejuice's head and it shrinks.

Oh, and it's kind of hard to tell, but I'm wearing a bindi on my forehead. I just don't want anyone to mistake it for a giant zit or something.

*Toots*

Three fun facts about the dogs flatulence:

1. When Lucy toots, she startles herself.

2. Tank has tooted before and awoken Lucy from a deep sleep.

3. Tanks toots can clear a room.

I don't have a picture to clearly illustrate any of these things so a random sequence of pictures will have to do:

Locked out

I got home from work today, grabbed a beer, my camera and headed out to the backyard to take some pictures. It is 109 degrees here in Arizona, so it's not like I was going to spend a large amount of time outside, but I wanted to try to get some new pictures of the dogs for the blog. Well, as soon as I closed the sliding glass door, it locked. I have no idea how this was possible, as you can't lock the door and then try to shut it. It's impossible. You have to shut the door first, then lock it. The only explanation that I have for this is that I have a ghost occupying my house. A cruel ghost who wants me to suffer from heat stroke.

My house has been robbed. They got in through the dog door because it used to be large enough to fit a Great Dane. A steel plate was made to make it smaller so that the biggest thing getting through that door was a fat pug.

Here's a picture with my hand in front of the dog door for size comparison.

The only reason I was able to fit through that dog door is because I have crazy shoulders. I can pop them out of place if need be. This situation was a "need be" because all I had was a camera and a beer. I might have been able to build some sort of communication device with said beer and camera to contact someone to come and help me, but sadly, I'm no MacGyver.

Here's a picture I managed to get of the dogs during this ordeal. They thought it was necessary to try to help from inside the house, where it was air conditioned. Thanks guys!

My, what a lovely shade of rouge

Tank was obsessed with a dying agave plant that was in the backyard. He would grab entire stems off of this (prickly!) plant and bring them inside and eat them. I ended up having to dig up the whole plant and throw it away. I noticed he had a redness to his lips (the pictures don't do it justice) and an internet search turned up that agave plants can cause irritation to the skin.

I must say, the color really brings out his eyes.

Sweet Dreams Interrupted

First off, let me just start by saying how I really wish I had gotten this photo in focus.

This is what it looks like when you awaken Her Royal Highness out of her beauty sleep.

The Tail

It wags whenever she sees me. It flies at half mast when she's running full speed. And it flattens out when she's relaxed. Sometimes it can even resemble a soft serving of ice cream.

One thing's for sure, it couldn't be more perfect.